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Imagine this: your toddler has a meltdown because they didn’t get the red cup, or your kindergartener can’t stop blurting out answers in class. These moments are common and often frustrating for parents, but they’re also powerful opportunities to teach two of the most vital life skills for young children—emotional control and inhibition.
These executive functioning (EF) skills are what help children manage big feelings, think before acting, and make thoughtful decisions. While they may seem like “soft skills,” research shows that emotional control and inhibition are directly tied to long-term success in academics, relationships, and overall resilience.
The good news? With consistent guidance from you, these skills can be developed, practiced, and strengthened early in life.
Why Children Are Struggling with These Skills in 2025
The world children are growing up in today is vastly different from a decade ago. While every generation faces its own unique challenges, the environment shaping kids in 2025 is presenting heightened obstacles to developing emotional control and inhibition.
1. Technology Overload
With the constant presence of smartphones, tablets, and on-demand entertainment, kids are less exposed to moments that require them to wait, pause, or tolerate boredom. Instant gratification has become the norm—with one swipe or tap, they can access a favorite show, game, or snack delivery. This environment doesn’t naturally foster the patience or self-control needed to balance immediate wants and long-term goals.
For instance, when children can skip waiting for the next episode or avoid frustration by switching to a new video game, they miss out on opportunities to build resilience and the ability to tolerate discomfort. They do not understand the pain of waiting a week for the next episode of their show! Technology isn’t inherently bad, but without boundaries, it limits the practice of essential self-regulation skills.
2. Decline in Unstructured Play
Structured activities, standardized tests, and packed schedules have left less room for free, unstructured playtime. This type of play is vital for children to experiment with emotions, negotiate with peers, and practice self-regulation in real-world scenarios. When free play is replaced by rigid schedules or supervised activities, kids have fewer chances to manage their emotions and impulses independently.
3. Increased Societal Stress
Global challenges such as economic instability, climate concerns, and heightened anxiety within communities cascade into the lives of families. Kids today are observing more stress in the adults around them, and this can complicate their own emotional regulation development. At the same time, higher academic and social pressures can intensify emotional outbursts, making self-control and inhibition even harder to practice.
4. Less Time for Face-to-Face Interaction
The rise of digital communication has also made face-to-face interactions less frequent. Kids who spend more time on an ipad or texting or gaming compared to in-person activities miss valuable lessons in social cues, reading emotions, and managing impulse-driven behaviors during group dynamics. This creates a gap in their ability to remain composed and steady during challenging social interactions.
How Emotional Control and Inhibition Prepare Kids for Success in School
The classroom is one of the first environments where kids face the need to manage their emotions and impulses while following rules and collaborating with others. So it is up to us as parents to help our children practice this whenever possible. Emotional control and inhibition are foundational for thriving in this setting (and future settings too… but that may be getting too far ahead).
These skills directly contribute to academic success, smooth relationships with peers, and ability to handle setbacks. Here’s how emotional control and inhibition come into play in school life:
1. Focusing During Lessons
Picture a first grader sitting through a long storytime session. Without inhibition, they might interrupt the teacher every few minutes or get out of their chair before the story ends. With practice in self-regulation, they learn to resist those impulses, wait for the opportunity to raise their hand, and focus until the task is complete.
Why It Matters: Students with the ability to manage distractions and frustration can fully engage in learning activities, absorb information, and follow classroom routines.
2. Managing Reactions to Frustration
Mistakes are inevitable in school, whether it’s misspelling a word or struggling with a math problem. When a child has emotional control, they’re better equipped to tolerate feelings of disappointment or frustration, ask for help, and try again. Without it, their academic growth might be hindered by meltdowns or avoidance.
Example: A child who spells “elephant” wrong may initially feel embarrassed. However, with strong emotional control, they pause, take a breath, and can understand that mistakes are part of learning.
Why It Matters: Emotional resilience allows students to bounce back from setbacks and continue working towards their academic goals.
3. Building Positive Peer Relationships
Collaboration is key in classrooms, from group projects to recess games. Emotional control allows students to handle disagreements or compromises calmly, while inhibition helps them resist blurting out unkind responses when conflicts arise.
Example: Imagine your child is working on a group puzzle, and a classmate places a piece incorrectly. Instead of grabbing the piece impulsively or shouting, they pause, explain their idea respectfully, and collaborate to solve the problem.
Why It Matters: When children can regulate their emotions and communicate well, they build stronger relationships with teachers and peers, which creates a supportive network for learning.
4. Delayed Gratification for Long-Term Rewards
School often requires patience and persistence to achieve long-term goals, such as studying for a test or completing a large project. Kids with inhibition can resist the urge to quit halfway through or procrastinate, and they can focus on the reward of finishing their task.
Example: A third grader may want to skip writing time because it feels “hard” and “boring,” but with inhibition, they commit to finishing the story because they understand it will improve their skills and earn positive reinforcement from their teacher.
Why It Matters: Strong self-regulation directly impacts academic performance and builds the discipline needed to meet future challenges in school and life.
How Parents Can Help Address These Challenges – Practical Strategies to Help Your Child Develop Emotional Regulation
Check out these strategies you can start using today to help your child build these skills.
1. Set Technology Boundaries to Encourage Regulation
Technology is part of everyday life, but it can limit your child’s opportunities to practice patience and self-control. Setting boundaries ensures a healthier balance.
- Create Tech-Free Zones: Establish screen-free times during meals or before bed. Use this time for meaningful connection, like chatting about the day or reading together.
- Encourage “Boredom” Moments: Boredom isn’t bad! When your child complains they’re bored, avoid jumping in with instant entertainment. Instead, suggest simple activities like drawing, building with blocks, or creating imaginary games. These moments teach kids how to self-soothe and take initiative.
- Interactive Alternatives: On car rides without a tablet, play games like “I Spy” or tell stories together. Rotate a “Music of the Week” playlist featuring different genres to spark curiosity and conversation.
2. Allow Time for Unstructured Play
Unstructured play gives kids room to explore emotions, solve problems, and manage impulses on their own.
- Leave Room in the Schedule: Give your child unplanned time where they can decide what to do. Whether it’s playing dress-up, building a fort, or running outside, these activities help them practice self-guidance and creative thinking.
- Encourage Peer Play: Organize playdates or group activities. If a conflict arises, resist stepping in unless safety is at risk. Instead, guide them in problem-solving step by step, helping them learn negotiation and compromise.
- Cycle Through Roles: If playing a board game or sports, teach them to take turns as a leader (making rules) and a follower (observing instructions). These roles hone patience and responsiveness.
3. Model Calm Behavior in Everyday Life
Children watch how you respond to challenges, so modeling calm, thoughtful reactions shows them how to handle their own emotions.
- Narrate What You’re Feeling: If you’re frustrated, say something like, “I feel upset that I can’t find my keys, so I’m taking a deep breath before I keep looking.” This provides a script for them to follow.
- Pause Before Reacting: When your child’s behavior tests your patience, take a moment to collect yourself. Modeling composure not only reduces stress but also teaches them that it’s okay to take time to respond.
- Break Big Tasks Into Steps: When you’re working on a long or overwhelming task, explain your process aloud. Example: “This feels like a lot, but if I do one step at a time, I’ll get through it.” This approach encourages persistence in children.
- Books: A fantastic way to teach emotional regulation! For kids,‘The Color Monster: A Story About Emotions is a fun and engaging way to explore feelings. For parents, The Whole-Brain Child offers science-backed strategies to help children manage big emotions. These reads are must-haves for any family looking to build emotional intelligence
4. Use Everyday Moments to Teach Patience
Teaching patience and delayed gratification doesn’t require big plans. Simple, everyday moments are powerful opportunities.
- Play “Waiting Games”: Try exercises like counting slowly to 10 before opening a gift or waiting for a timer to finish before a fun activity. These tiny moments help build their tolerance for waiting. Visual aids are a game-changer for teaching patience and self-control. A colorful sand timer can make waiting fun and tangible for kids, while a magnetic routine chart helps them stay on track with daily tasks. These tools make abstract concepts like time and structure more concrete for young minds.
- Create Small Rewards: After completing a chore or task, celebrate with positive reinforcement like a high five or sticker. They’ll connect effort with rewards over time.
- Family Challenges: Pick goals that require the whole family to wait or work together, like cooking a meal and waiting to eat until every dish is ready. These shared experiences reinforce teamwork and patience.
5. Praise and Highlight Self-Regulation Efforts
Positive reinforcement helps your child recognize their progress and motivates them to keep practicing.
- Catch Them in the Moment: When you spot your child practicing self-control, name it out loud. Example: “I noticed you wanted to interrupt but waited instead. That was really thoughtful!”
- Reframe Mistakes: If an outburst happens, guide them to reflect afterwards. Example: “Earlier, when you got mad because you didn’t get the red cup, how could we handle that differently next time?”
- Showcase Resilience: When they manage frustration or overcome a tough moment, praise their effort rather than the outcome. Commenting on their perseverance encourages them to keep trying, even when things are difficult.
6. Teach Relaxation and Re-centering Techniques
Help your child build a “toolbox” of strategies for calming down when emotions feel too big.
- Practice Deep Breathing: Teach simple breathing exercises like “smell the flower, blow out the candle” (inhale deeply through the nose, exhale slowly through the mouth).
- Use Sensory Tools: Having sensory tools on hand can make a big difference when your child needs to calm down. Items like this stress ball set or a cozy weighted blanket provide a soothing focus during overwhelming moments. These tools are simple yet effective for helping kids self-regulate. Keep stress balls, fidget toys, or soft blankets handy for moments when they need a calming focus.
- Create a Calm-Down Space: Designate a cozy nook or corner with pillows, books, or quiet toys where your child can retreat to reset their emotions.
7. Focus on Progress, Not Perfection
It’s important to remember that emotional regulation is a work in progress for kids (and adults!). Celebrate small wins and remain patient during setbacks.
- Track Growth Together: Keep a visual chart of their milestones, like waiting their turn, calming down quickly, or sharing with siblings. Watching their progress can be motivating and uplifting.
- Be Gentle During Slip-Ups: If they act impulsively or have a meltdown, remind yourself (and them) that struggling is part of learning. Compassion goes a long way in teaching self-regulation.
With these strategies, you can guide your child toward better emotional control and inhibition while equipping them with skills that will shape their friendships, learning experiences, and future success. Small, consistent changes lead to powerful improvements over time. You’re already doing an incredible job, and your efforts will help your child handle life’s challenges with confidence and resilience.
The world is full of distractions and challenges, but emotional control and inhibition remain timeless skills that will serve your child for a lifetime. While modern influences like technology and busier lifestyles create hurdles, these skills are teachable through deliberate, consistent efforts from parents. By focusing on these abilities early, you’re preparing your child to handle academic pressures, build relationships, and face life’s ups and downs with confidence and resilience. Parenting is filled with teachable moments, and with your guidance, your child can rise to every challenge that comes their way.
You’ve got this. One small lesson at a time, you’re shaping a strong, self-regulated individual ready to succeed in school and beyond.
