This post may contain affiliate links, which means I may earn a small commission if you make a purchase through these links, at no extra cost to you. I only recommend products or services that I genuinely believe will add value to your parenting and family life.
“Why should I have to do chores when I already have so much homework? I get home too late from sports!” Sound familiar? If you’ve heard this from your teen, you’re not alone. Many parents find themselves in a tug-of-war when it comes to household responsibilities. But chores are about far more than clean rooms and empty dishwashers. They’re critical tools for teaching teens essential life skills, developing their executive functioning (EF) abilities, and most importantly, building confidence that will set them up for success.
Research shows the value of chores extends well beyond keeping the household running. Teens who regularly contribute through tasks like cooking dinner (or dessert in my daughter’s case. Lucky us!) or managing a budget learn to problem-solve, plan ahead, and take accountability. These activities help foster resilience, independence, and a strong sense of capability—which are the building blocks of confidence.
Here’s why this connection between chores and confidence is so powerful, and how you can harness it to prepare your teen for a successful adult life.
Why Chores Matter for Executive Functioning Skills (And Life)
Executive functioning skills are the brain’s self-management tools. They help us plan, prioritize, and achieve goals. Teens need strong EF skills for school, work, and adulthood. The good news? Chores are an easy and practical way to develop these abilities while addressing real-world tasks. Make planning chores easier with this chore planner.
1. Chores Boost Planning and Time Management
Teens who help around the house learn to manage their time by fitting chores into their schedules. Whether it’s unloading the dishwasher before soccer practice or budgeting time to cook dinner, they develop a better understanding of how to plan and follow through on responsibilities, which are also part of key executive functioning skills.
Example: Assign your teen the task of cooking dinner once a week. They’ll need to think ahead (What ingredients are needed? When should prep start?) and balance the task alongside homework or other commitments.
Why It Matters: These small planning exercises translate directly into important EF skills like completing school projects on time or managing future work deadlines.
2. Chores Promote Problem-Solving
Household tasks are rarely straightforward. Sometimes the dishwasher is full before lunch dishes are loaded, or there’s only enough milk for one bowl of cereal. By tackling these little puzzles, teens build problem-solving skills that prepare them for bigger, more complex challenges.
Example: Ask your teen to budget a meal for the family with $25. They’ll need to balance needs and wants while making choices that still meet the goal of having a complete meal. Get your teen excited about cooking with this fun and simple cookbook.
Why It Matters: Problem-solving through chores equips teens with critical thinking skills they’ll rely on in college, at work, and when making decisions in their personal lives.
3. Chores Foster Emotional Regulation and Resilience
Chores aren’t always fun, and completing them often involves a mix of frustration and persistence. Teens learn to work through negative emotions and regulate their impulses (like wanting to quit halfway through). Over time, this builds resilience.
Example: Suppose your teen is responsible for mowing the lawn, and the mower stops working part way through. Instead of letting them abandon the task, encourage them to troubleshoot the problem (refueling, checking the settings) or ask for help.
Why It Matters: Resilience built through completing everyday tasks helps teens face bigger setbacks in academics or personal challenges with greater confidence.
4. Chores Build Independence and Accountability
Taking on responsibilities like budgeting their allowance or managing laundry teaches teens ownership. They begin to see that their actions (or inactions) have consequences, which builds independence and accountability.
Example: If your teen is responsible for their own laundry and they wait too long to do it, they’ll face the natural consequence of not having clean clothes for school.
Why It Matters: Experiencing ownership and consequences prepares teens to handle adult responsibilities like paying bills or managing deadlines on their own.
How Chores Build Confidence
The connection between completing chores and developing confidence lies in one key principle: teens gain a sense of achievement when they see that their contributions matter. Every task completed, no matter how small, reinforces their capability and strengthens their self-esteem.
- Accomplishment Fuels Confidence: Seeing a clean kitchen or a well-cooked meal provides a tangible result of their effort. I have begun to hear, “Don’t make a mess, I just cleaned the kitchen!”
- Competence Builds Resilience: Successfully navigating challenges (mismatched socks, burned pancakes) reminds teens they can handle obstacles.
- Contribution Creates Value: Teens feel pride when they see how their efforts contribute to the household’s smooth running, fostering a sense of purpose.
Practical Tips for Encouraging Chores in Teens
Here’s how to introduce or reinforce chores with your teen in a way that boosts skills and confidence without causing unnecessary conflict.
1. Meet Them Where They Are
Start by assigning chores appropriate for your teen’s age, ability, and current skill set. This ensures they feel challenged but not overwhelmed.
Examples:
- Younger teens can set the table, do laundry, dust, vacuum or feed pets.
- Older teens can mow the lawn, prepare family meals, clean the bathroom, or manage household budgets for minor expenses.
Pro Tip: Gradually increase the complexity of chores as they build competence.
2. Encourage Ownership
Giving your teen autonomy in how and when they complete their chores can help them feel more invested in the tasks.
How to Do It:
- Instead of saying, “Clean the bathroom right now,” say, “The bathroom needs to be cleaned before 5 PM. When do you want to do it?”
- Avoid micromanaging. Offer guidance upfront, but allow your teen to solve problems and figure out their own method.
Why It Works: Feeling in control reinforces accountability and makes the chore feel less like a punishment.
3. Frame Chores as a Life Skill
Connect the chore to real-world benefits so your teen sees the value beyond just keeping the house clean.
How to Do It:
- Cooking a meal teaches independence, time management, and nutrition.
- Budgeting an allowance prepares them for managing paychecks in the future.
- Doing laundry ensures they can take care of themselves in college or beyond (and cooking for that matter!).
Why It Works: When teens see a direct benefit to their future, they’re more likely to engage positively.
4. Praise Effort, Not Perfection
Chores provide a safe space to make mistakes and learn. Praise your teen’s effort and improvement rather than aiming for spotless results.
Examples of Encouragement:
- “I love how you took the initiative to start dinner without being reminded. Great planning!”
- “I see you tried folding the towels neatly. Can I show you a tip to make it easier next time?”
Why It Works: Recognizing effort helps teens feel capable, even when the results aren’t perfect.
5. Be Consistent, but Flexible
Create regular routines for chores to reinforce the habit, but remain flexible when life happens (like finals week or big extracurricular commitments).
How to Do It:
- Use a chore chart or app or simply Notes to track responsibilities.
- Adjust expectations during busy periods, but ensure duties resume afterward.
Why It Works: Consistency forms lasting habits, while flexibility shows you respect their workload.
Chores may not always be popular with teens, but they’re an invaluable tool for preparing them for the challenges of adulthood. Through regular responsibilities at home, your teen is learning to manage their time, solve problems, build resilience, and take ownership of their choices. More importantly, they’re gaining the confidence that comes from knowing they can handle whatever life throws their way.
As you guide your teen through these experiences, remember to be patient, offer encouragement, and celebrate their progress. And who knows? They might even start tidying their room without being asked someday.
Subscribe to our newsletter for more strategies, freebies, toolkits and exclusive subscriber content!
