Mornings are often a mad dash, and bedtimes can feel like a never-ending negotiation. It’s easy to focus on just surviving these moments instead of seeing the hidden potential they hold—but here’s the thing you might not realize yet: these routines are the perfect framework for teaching your children critical executive functioning (EF) skills.
Whether this is a brand-new concept for your family or something you’re trying to weave into your day, know this—these strategies will work if you apply them consistently. Change doesn’t happen overnight, but little by little, your efforts will lead to noticeable growth. With time and patience, your children will not only master the skills but also build confidence and independence along the way.
What Are EF Skills, and Why Should You Care?
Executive Functioning (EF) skills are like a toolbox for life. They help kids plan ahead, stay organized, problem-solve, and manage emotions or impulses. Think about tasks like remembering to pack their lunch, waiting to open that exciting package until chores are done, or creatively solving a problem (like figuring out how to stack LEGO blocks so they don’t topple). These activities all involve EF!
The thing to remember is that kids aren’t born with these skills fully developed. Instead, they grow and strengthen over time with consistent exposure and practice. That’s where you, as a parent, come in. By simply incorporating a few strategies into your daily routines, you’ll give your kids opportunities to build EF skills in ways that feel natural and manageable. It is all about exposure and practice!
Now, whether mornings feel like chaos or you’re starting a routine from scratch, growth will come. You’ll begin to see things click as consistency builds comfort and confidence.
Here’s how you can begin.
Building EF Skills Into Your Morning Routine
The morning rush doesn’t have to feel like a battle of wills. With planning and patience, mornings can become an opportunity for kids to learn EF skills like planning, time management, and self-regulation.
Younger Kids (Ages 3-6)
At this age, kids thrive on routine, but they need concrete cues to understand expectations. Visual aids and playful activities work wonders to teach basic organization one tiny step at a time.
Example Strategy: Create a Morning Routine Chart
Make a checklist with simple illustrations or photos of tasks such as brushing teeth, getting dressed, and putting on shoes. Add a reward element, like placing a sticker on a chart after finishing all tasks. Feel free to use THIS CANVA TEMPLATE to create your own.
What They’re Learning:
- Planning: They follow a predictable order of tasks.
- Impulse Control: They wait to play until their checklist is done.
- Time Management: They practice sticking to a timeline.
Pro Tip: Make it fun! Start by racing the clock (“Can we finish brushing teeth before the timer buzzes?”), and gradually fade out the timer as the routine becomes second nature.
School-Age Kids (Ages 7-12)
For this age group, encourage independence and responsibility by letting them take ownership of their morning prep. It’s okay to support them as they learn, but the goal is to step back little by little.
Example Strategy: The “Pack It Yourself” Backpack Rule
Encourage them to pack their backpack the night before by creating their own packing list. Have them check it off each evening so that everything is ready and waiting for the morning.
What They’re Learning:
- Foresight: Anticipating what they need for the day.
- Responsibility: Taking ownership of their tasks.
- Working Memory: Keeping multiple to-dos in mind as they pack.
Pro Tip: If mistakes happen (like forgetting homework), it’s okay! Use these moments as opportunities for reflection. Ask, “What could we do differently next time to remember that?” Problem-solving is a skill, and growth comes from experience.
After School and Afternoon Opportunities
The time between school and bedtime is often unstructured, making it a prime window for EF skill-building. By adding light structure and predictable expectations to this time, you’re giving your child consistent opportunities to practice essential skills.
Younger Kids (Ages 3-6)
Younger kids love imaginative play and hands-on activities, so this is the perfect time to foster skills like cognitive flexibility and focus.
Example Strategy: Clean-Up Sorting Challenge
Turn clean-up time into a game where they sort toys by size, color, or type. Say, “Can you put the red cars in this bin and the blue ones in another?” This helps them practice focus and mental flexibility.
What They’re Learning:
- Task Initiation: Starting a task and persisting until it’s done.
- Cognitive Flexibility: Switching gears when the sorting category changes.
- Self-Control: Following instructions without getting distracted.
Pro Tip: Be their cheerleader! Say things like, “You did that so quickly!” or “I love how carefully you sorted all the colors!” Positive reinforcement keeps them motivated.
School-Age Kids (Ages 7-12)
Older kids tend to have more responsibilities after school, like homework or extracurriculars. Help them develop time management and prioritization by guiding them in structuring their afternoons.
Example Strategy: The “Homework First” Rule
Set an expectation that homework happens at a specific time each day before screens or play. Or center it around their activities – before or after. Work together to create a checklist of tasks that need to get done, encouraging them to cross items off as they finish them.
What They’re Learning:
- Prioritization: Understanding that work comes before play.
- Focus: Eliminating distractions during task time.
- Time Management: Balancing multiple activities in an afternoon.
Pro Tip: Use visual timers to break big tasks into smaller chunks. For example, set a timer for 20 minutes of working followed by a 5-minute break. This helps kids stay focused while preventing burnout.
Creating Lasting Change Through Bedtime Routines
By the end of the day, everyone in the family is running low on energy, but consistent bedtime routines can be the most calming way to build EF skills. These quiet moments teach your child to transition between activities, reflect on their day, and prepare for what’s coming next. A good night’s sleep is key to so much learning. More on that and how we trained our kids to be good sleepers in another blog post.
Younger Kids (Ages 3-6)
Bedtime is an opportunity to practice decision-making in small, manageable ways.
Example Strategy: The Pajama Choice Game
Present two sets of pajamas and ask, “Which ones do you want to wear tonight?” Offering choices helps kids practice autonomy while teaching them to weigh options. This is a simplistic example but look for ways to embed choice throughout their day (within your limits – you need to be happy with any option you present) and they will grow to be confident in their choice and happy they have a voice in their day.
What They’re Learning:
- Decision-Making: Empowering themselves to make small, confident decisions.
- Self-Regulation: Staying calm as they prepare to transition to sleep.
School-Age Kids (Ages 7-12)
At this age, kids can take on bigger responsibilities as part of their bedtime wind-down.
Example Strategy: Tomorrow-Prep Power
Encourage them to set out their clothes, pack their homework, or think about the next day. These small efforts build planning and organizational skills while reducing next-morning stress. More to come on this – but many school age children cannot visualize time past 3-4 days.
What They’re Learning:
- Problem-Solving: Anticipating next-day needs.
- Preparation: Avoiding setbacks by thinking ahead.
Pro Tip: Use bedtime as a time for reflection. Ask them, “What went well today?” and “What could we do differently tomorrow?” This opens the door for self-awareness and critical thinking.
Consistency is the Key to Change
New routines may feel awkward at first, especially if you’re starting fresh, but don’t give up. All skill building and behavior change takes time! Keep at it and change will come. Kids often resist change initially—not because they don’t like it but because it’s unfamiliar. Stick with it, keep the tone playful and encouraging, and you’ll see progress with time.
Remember, every checklist you use, every choice they make, and every mistake they reflect on is shaping their future. Consistency builds comfort, comfort builds confidence, and confidence leads to independence.You’re not just building routines; you’re shaping skills that will help your child thrive for years to come. Parent with patience, keep trying new strategies, and know that growth will happen. You’ve got this!
